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Talking Dirty To Dr. Ruth
By Lindsay Hayden & Brett Youngerman |
Dr. Ruth Westheimer, a pioneer in the field of media psychology, has advised millions of fans all over the world on sex and relationships through her nationally and internationally syndicated television programs and radio call-in shows. Dr. Ruth, as she is endearingly known, is a Psychosexual Therapist who has been at the forefront of the movement to promote 'sexual literacy.' For over twenty years, Dr. Ruth has served as advisor and confidante to millions of fans. Wanting to explore Dr. Ruth's thoughts on the conception and progress of her promotion of sexual education, we decided to put the doctor on the couch.
Despite being the "patient" in this scenario, Dr. Ruth's easy manner immediately set the informal tone of our meeting; she chided us over dinner that we should have more greens on our plate. She began the interview: "Fire at will!"
PUBLIC HEALTH: What first motivated you to promote sexual issues?
DR. RUTH WESTHEIMER: I worked on a government grant on a research project in public health but, fortunately for me, the money ran out. So I needed a job, and got a position in 1967 to work as a researcher for Planned Parenthood of New York City.
However, when I started to work for Planned Parenthood, I thought something is wrong with these people, all they do is talk about sex! But I very quickly realized, that sex is a very interesting subject matter. It was after this I realized that scientific study surrounding sex was for the most part an untapped resource and one that promised to present limitless opportunities and decided to do my doctoral dissertation on contraceptive and abortion history.
PH: When you were studying the history and practice of abortion for your doctorate, abortion was not yet legalized. Was information about its safe practice available? Was this one of the factors that influenced you to pursue promoting 'sexual literacy'?
RW: No one! No one knew anything. People were unaware of its existence let alone practicing it safely. Therefore I said we have to have a program on air so the public could be educated... and look what happened: In 1981 I started my talk show 'Sexually Speaking' and poof, I became Dr. Ruth.
PH: These days, in 2004 there are numerous radio and television shows geared towards sexually educating the public. Do you think that this field, which you pioneered, is as effective in answering people's questions today as twenty years ago?
RW: The questions have not changed, people still have questions about relationships, about being lonely, about premature ejaculations, about women not having orgasms, about what contraceptives to use. And we have new questions such as about AIDS. But I tell you what has changed is the vocabulary: people are asking questions with much more precise vocabulary. They talk about premature ejaculation, they talk about orgasms, they don't say "I come too fast."
PH: What medium do you see as being most instrumental in helping college students to forge this new precise sexual vocabulary? The internet, radio and TV, classroom lessons?
RW: When I started on the radio there was no internet so I tend to minimize its impact. Concurrently with the radio show I taught at the university level on how to teach sex education and when I became a sex therapist I gave a lot of lectures, but it was the media coverage surrounding my work that heightened public awareness. I did 460 television programs on Lifetime and then I did lots of newspaper columns where I answered questions. Oh and David was vital of course.
PH: David?
RW: David Lettermen. He was instrumental in introducing me to campuses because you students used to watch David Letterman. I have been on the show fifteen times.
PH: What was it about your radio show 'Sexually Speaking' in particular that you think made it such a popular hit that all types of persons could relate to and engage with?
RW: What I think has helped is that I am an older woman. I wasn't a little girl when I was on radio and television. I was already in my fifties and I wasn't afraid to ask the embarrassing questions.
PH: Does your advice change based on whether callers are young, old, male, female? Have you found that there are more effective techniques for people of different ages, and sexes, and races?
RW: Younger people, they engage in sexual positions, like oral sex, that the older generation do not. But for me it doesn't matter. All that matters is that two people make the decision to be sexually active and that they have to be protected.
PH: Do you think that you've been able to make people more aware of sexually transmitted diseases?
RW: People know that I'm old fashioned, a square. I want people to have a relationship, I don't want them just to hop into bed, I don't want one night stands. I have tried to inform the public that there are millions of Americans who have had sexually transmitted diseases. But more than this I have wanted to highlight the moral issue here: If somebody starts a new relationship and he or she knows that they have or have been exposed to an STD, they have an obligation to tell their partner. They can't hide it. They have an obligation to say 'look, I've had an experience, I have herpes,' for example, 'let's go to a health professional and see what we can do to manage it.'
PH: Do you think that there is more of that going on now in our generation... one night stands, bed hopping, not taking relationships seriously? If so, do you think this is perhaps a result of the increased vocalization of sexual issues having trivialized sex?
RW: Yes, there is more of the sex being had in the younger generations, but I in no way see this as being a result of the increased openness about sexuality and relationships. There are simply more opportunities for people to have sex; people are away at college, and there are condoms available, and the contraceptive pill so people are not as worried about an unintended pregnancy. I still say, make sure you know who you got to bed with. Don't just do it because everybody else says so.
PH: Do you think that the female population has changed their views on sex since the inception of the contraceptive pill?
RW: No question.
PH: Do you think that women will start to view sex the way that men do?
RW: I hope not. Because I think that any heavy petting, oral sex, bringing each other to sexual satisfaction, in many women's minds, is sex. It is not only intercourse that's sex. I do not think women will ever come to view sex the way men do; however, they are beginning to take a more active role in relationships. I would hope that it's alright for a woman to ask a fellow that she likes to go to movies. I also would say it's alright for a woman to be the first to make that sexual overture, if that's what she wants. And she has to be protected. So I don't hold a value judgment by saying that a woman should never ask a guy out, but she also may be upset if he says no I have to wash my hair!
PH: What are the important messages to get out about sex to college students? Are there different messages for males and female?
RW: Both need to see that sex is not just sex, but has to do with psychology and emotion even when it seems to be just casual. It's not like brushing teeth in that it has consequences.
Then there's the other extreme. You don't want to make sex a huge deal, you don't want to keep waiting and then it becomes like a sexual burden. I'm not saying it's necessary only after marriage, so that if somebody has a good relationship and they both decide that it's right and use contraception then by all means. But I still want sexual experience to be a big deal. I don't want it to be casual.
PH: What do you think shapes particular people's views about sex?
RW: I think it has to do with the background of the home, of the religious background, of that early childhood socialization, of that background from home, but it also has to do with which environment you're in. And that's why I'm saying it's so important to not let anybody make that decision for you. Not to get drunk and have sex. Because you're both going to regret it. And I don't belong to those people who say it's not a big deal. I think it's a very important part of the human experience and it shouldn't be just spur of the moment to do it.
PH: I live in London... so I've grown up in a European environment and the issue of sex is different over there. It's something that's talked about at an earlier age and is seen as an open topic. Americans while much more vocal in general, but when it comes to sex there is much greater reservation and hesitation. Do you think your European background that has allowed you to bring sexual issues into the public forum?
RW: Americans come from that Victorian-Puritan background and sex just wasn't discussed. But everywhere young people like you are going to be much more open with your kids than the older generation. Everybody is thinking and worrying about sex. In Europe and America. And it's not true that Europeans are better lovers than Americans.
PH: Is this from personal experience?
RW: That's just from my experience with my private partners.
PH: I don't want to drag you too much into politics, but do you think that there is more of a role for government to play in this?
RW: Absolutely. I don't get involved in politics because I want to be the educator, but there is no question that we need resources for sexual education from kindergarten through Twelfth grade and on campuses.
PH: But how do you deal with the varying religious tendencies? How do you find that balance so that you teach without preaching?
RW: You cannot. When to be sexually active, one person cannot tell another nor should we attempt to. But people have a right to know all that there is to be known on the subject of sex so that they can make an informed decision of when to have sex and understand all the consequences that such an act entails.
PH: Finally, Dr. Ruth why do you think you have been able to accomplish so much in such a controversial field of scientific study?
RW: First of all, I am very fortunate because in the Jewish tradition it says "if you stand on the shoulders of giants you can see further." I'm only four ft seven so, Kinsey came before me, Mathers and Johnson, and I was very fortunate. And I really got the best training. And I have thus been able to train others in a similar manner. But most importantly I realized very early on that one key ingredient to successfully engaging in conversations about human sexuality is the use of humor, not jokes, but some humor, and I really love what I'm doing.
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